A Sad, Sad State of Affairs

There is a reason why February is only 28 days long. They try to sneak that 29th day in there, but they're only brave enough to do so every 4 years. The reason is simple--if February were any longer, we would all fucking kill each other by the time it was over.

February is, by far, the most horrible of the 12 months. It's cold. It's dark. It's gray. It snows every fucking day. You get slapped in the face the first week with a reminder there's still SIX WEEKS left of this winter drudgery (and then they insult your intelligence by expecting you to believe it's the fault of some Rodent Of Unusual Size). Your kids are off school for Presidents' Day, which is possibly the dumbest "holiday" ever conceived of--yet you are still expected to go to work because real businesses don't close for Presidents' Day. You could, of course, take a vacation day, because who doesn't want to take a vacation day on a Monday in the middle of February? Or maybe you're one of the lucky ones (like me) who work in the banking industry or some government-related job and you're off that day--congratulations, you get to spend the day stuck in the house with your kids! Yaaaaay!

Don't even get me started on Valentine's Day.

Actually, VD (as I prefer to call it) is the one bright spot in this wretched, wretched month. Because my husband and I agreed not to sweat it during our first year together, so the pressure's off. I buy a few cheap packages of valentines for my kids to pass out at school, a bag of Tootsie Pops for the older one to pass out with his, a couple of 3-4 piece candy hearts and a card for each kid, everyone's happy and I'm out 5, 6 bucks tops. And everywhere you go, there is candy. Candy in hearts. Candy in the shape of flowers. Candy in the shape of body parts. Not just candy--CHOCOLATE. Your beacon of light in the fog-shrouded evening that is February.

Yeah, I haven't been to the gym all week. I went on a post-dinner binge tonight that included a few rice cakes, some hard-boiled eggs and a toaster strudel (for starters). I'm pretty sure the last 10 pounds I wanted to finally get rid of is now the last 15 (possibly 17). I haven't been to the gym since Sunday.

Nobody loves me, everyone hates me, I guess I'll go out and eat worms.

As soon as I can find a shovel strong enough to dig them out of the frozen earth.