Today is the last day of 2009. It's also the last day of my employment at this firm. I can't say I'm sad to see either one go.
In all honesty, however, this year hasn't been too awful bad. Probably our best yet, all things considered. We slowly started to crawl out of our debt hole, Bob has been doing pretty well, db has been relatively mellow. Ben found a better job, or at least, a job with a better salary. The toddler has been an absolute delight for us all. I lost 35 pounds and have kept it off for 6 months. I learned to sew. We spent a lot of time at the pool this summer and I re-discovered biking.
So all in all, not too shabby. Maybe 2010 will be better, still. That would be awesome.
Certainly my job situation should improve, which will make me happier, which will just improve everything overall.
I took advantage of my remaining vacation time and took yesterday off. I decided it wasn't going to be a "chores" day; I was just going to hang with Bob and do crap with him. We played a lot of Super Mario Bros. (which I suck at) and Battleship (which he sucks at) and he and Ben spent 3 hours in the snow building a snow fort (which is awesome). As I was putting him to bed last night, he said to me, "you're the best mom ever."
Aw...gee whiz. :)
This morning I dropped him off to spend the next 4 days with db. I hope he has a good time. I'll miss him. But I will make good use of the time, going through some old clothes that don't fit any of us and (hopefully) selling them on line, cleaning up the house, putting away the Xmas stuff, and prepping things for the week ahead.
We don't really "do" New Years. It's such a non-event for me anymore. I feel more like a "new" year is starting in August, when school starts after the summer. Or on my birthday, when I start a new year. January 1 is just the final end of all the holiday bs. Which is reason to celebrate, yes. And I will celebrate with a stiff drink and a grilled cheese sandwich and going to bed early.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Be Prepared
This morning, I was unprepared. I didn't know where all my clothes were, I didn't know where my shoes were, I didn't have my breakfast and lunch ready to go. Fortunately I had a free coffee waiting for me at Java Go Go or the morning would have been a wash.
So after I got to work, I sent the HR person at the new job a list of questions. All of which and more, I'm sure, will be answered on my first day next week--but I wanted to be prepared.
I remember learning that as the Boy Scout motto and finding it humorous. I found the Boy Scouts laughable anyway--the sketches depicting them were a far cry from the disheveled Cub Scouts at my grade school--and I couldn't imagine what on earth a small-town boy in the early 80s might need to be prepared for. A spelling test? An annual t.v. airing of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"?
The motto is much better suited for a middle-aged, suburban, working mother of two on a tight budget. I don't like surprises.
This is my last day at this job working with the main crew. After getting the sad clown face and plea to "just take one whole day off" from Bob, I decided to use my remaining vacation/sick time and take tomorrow off. It's Bob's last winter break day at our house, and it occurred to me last night--I haven't spent one day of his break just hanging out at home with him. He's been home Xmas Eve (half of which was spent traveling), Saturday night and Sunday (spent entertaining the stupid inlaws), and yesterday, today and tomorrow. So dammit, yes, Bob, I can take one whole day off, and I will.
It's not like I'm really doing anything anyway. Ben bought a webcam last night with his Xmas Cash, and I've spent most of the morning watching the three of them do very little. They just left to get lunch, so now I'm watching the cats do very little.
********
I got a return email from HR at the new job, and now I'm suffering severe Buyer's Remorse. They pay bi-weekly, which of course means two "extra" paychecks per year, but the 24 checks you actually count on to pay your bills are for substantially less. And the time off system is, if I'm understanding it right and it's being presented to me correctly, absurd--30 hours after your first 90 days, then 80 hours per year as of 1/1.
Say what?
If this is accurate, it means I will have no time off until April. And then I'll have less than 4 days between April and January. I have two children. How the fuck am I supposed to get by on 4 days off in 8 months?
I suppose taking time off without pay is probably an option--but at the hit I'm taking on salary, I can't afford to take a day off without pay. I suppose I can always rely on my husband's ability to telecommute and seemingly unlimited supply of time off, but dammit, there are times (when my kids are sick or when Bob is home on a break) when I want to be the one stuck at home with them. Not to mention I would like an occasional day off to myself, or (heaven forbid) I might get sick enough to warrant staying home once or twice a year.
I suppose it will all be worth it if the job is satisfying and the work environment is pleasant. But I don't know yet that it is. For all I know, it's another legal industry sweatshop that expects blood, sweat and tears in exchange for bread, water and misery.
Christ, I sure as hell hope not.
Now I need to try to put it out of my mind and stop obsessing. I've gone over our budget with a fine-toothed comb, but the reality is, one can only predict things to such a degree of accuracy. After that, it's anyone's guess, and you won't know the outcome til you get there. I just hate the uncertainty of it all. I'm not the gambling kind.
So after I got to work, I sent the HR person at the new job a list of questions. All of which and more, I'm sure, will be answered on my first day next week--but I wanted to be prepared.
I remember learning that as the Boy Scout motto and finding it humorous. I found the Boy Scouts laughable anyway--the sketches depicting them were a far cry from the disheveled Cub Scouts at my grade school--and I couldn't imagine what on earth a small-town boy in the early 80s might need to be prepared for. A spelling test? An annual t.v. airing of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"?
The motto is much better suited for a middle-aged, suburban, working mother of two on a tight budget. I don't like surprises.
This is my last day at this job working with the main crew. After getting the sad clown face and plea to "just take one whole day off" from Bob, I decided to use my remaining vacation/sick time and take tomorrow off. It's Bob's last winter break day at our house, and it occurred to me last night--I haven't spent one day of his break just hanging out at home with him. He's been home Xmas Eve (half of which was spent traveling), Saturday night and Sunday (spent entertaining the stupid inlaws), and yesterday, today and tomorrow. So dammit, yes, Bob, I can take one whole day off, and I will.
It's not like I'm really doing anything anyway. Ben bought a webcam last night with his Xmas Cash, and I've spent most of the morning watching the three of them do very little. They just left to get lunch, so now I'm watching the cats do very little.
********
I got a return email from HR at the new job, and now I'm suffering severe Buyer's Remorse. They pay bi-weekly, which of course means two "extra" paychecks per year, but the 24 checks you actually count on to pay your bills are for substantially less. And the time off system is, if I'm understanding it right and it's being presented to me correctly, absurd--30 hours after your first 90 days, then 80 hours per year as of 1/1.
Say what?
If this is accurate, it means I will have no time off until April. And then I'll have less than 4 days between April and January. I have two children. How the fuck am I supposed to get by on 4 days off in 8 months?
I suppose taking time off without pay is probably an option--but at the hit I'm taking on salary, I can't afford to take a day off without pay. I suppose I can always rely on my husband's ability to telecommute and seemingly unlimited supply of time off, but dammit, there are times (when my kids are sick or when Bob is home on a break) when I want to be the one stuck at home with them. Not to mention I would like an occasional day off to myself, or (heaven forbid) I might get sick enough to warrant staying home once or twice a year.
I suppose it will all be worth it if the job is satisfying and the work environment is pleasant. But I don't know yet that it is. For all I know, it's another legal industry sweatshop that expects blood, sweat and tears in exchange for bread, water and misery.
Christ, I sure as hell hope not.
Now I need to try to put it out of my mind and stop obsessing. I've gone over our budget with a fine-toothed comb, but the reality is, one can only predict things to such a degree of accuracy. After that, it's anyone's guess, and you won't know the outcome til you get there. I just hate the uncertainty of it all. I'm not the gambling kind.
Monday, December 28, 2009
New Year, New Blog
(Another) new blog, that is. Not sure what compels me to go the "clean slate" route rather than just pick up one of my older volumes where it left off. Probably because Blogger lets me. And far be it from me to look a gift blog in the mouth.
Maybe it's because I'm looking all sorts of new-ness in the face and a new blog just seems to fit the pattern. A new year begins in four days. I start a new job in a week. The holidays are over and even though it's not new, I'm getting back on track with my workout regimen and have started using a new on-line calorie tracking tool. I've got a new business venture in the makes and hope to be launching it soon. Plus I've taken a renewed interest in our camera and hope to learn how to use it to take photos that don't look like shit. New, new, new.
Or maybe I'm just bored as hell because this is my last week at this job and I don't intend to do a damn thing for the duration of it.
I've been readying myself for the post-holiday letdown. It kind of hit me early this morning, as I was lying in bed by myself (Ben went to the gym), in the dark, thinking it's all over and now I have to get up and go to work and man, that blows. That's one of my biggest reasons for hating the holidays--it's like the big $25 firecracker on the 4th of July. All sorts of build-up and then a fizzle and a pop and it's over. Ta-da! And I don't even think dragging it out for four or five days would help (because we sort of do because of our circumstances). It never fails--the gifts are great but never really produce that same "WOW!" response we got used to as kids; the food is good but doesn't seem as spectacular as it did 20 years ago; seeing family and friends is great but you leave every gathering feeling like you barely got to talk to anyone at all. Maybe I got spoiled with awesome Christmases as a kid and nothing I've experienced as an adult can live up to that kind of hype. I thought it would be better after I had kids--you know, all that "relive the joy through a child's eyes" crap--but it seems to have gotten worse. I drive myself crazy trying to make their holidays as magical and amazing as I seem to remember mine being, but life always gets in the way and I run out of time and money and it never feels (to me) like enough. Which is silly because I don't hear them complaining, and I don't realistically know if my childhood holidays were really that fabulous or if it's just my fuzzy adult vision remembering a jollier version.
I think I just want my kids to be happy so badly it makes me crazy. Especially Bob. The Toddler is so happy-go-lucky and naturally jovial, but Bob seems so sad so much of the time. I would give all the Peanuts holiday classics DVD sets and crock pots in the world just to see him genuinely happy for an extended period of time.
Which is why this morning, on my way to work, I shot a photo with my phone of the bracelet I'm wearing. It's one of the jewelry items Bob gave me this year, and he was just so proud of himself, I wanted him to know how much I cherish it.
At any rate, my brain is just awhirl with all sorts of randomness and frenzied thoughts. I am so ready to get the hell out of this work environment, the negativity here is overwhelming and spending a year and a half mired in it has made me a very nasty person, I'm afraid. On the other hand, as excited as I am at my imminent release from this prison, I am terrified at the $4000 annual salary difference--we managed on this combined income before, can we do it again? I know we can but it's a daunting prospect. Even more daunting are the questions popping up in my head--what if it's just like here in many ways? What if there are job duties/co-workers/policies that mirror this place? What if I get there and I hate it?
I've always claimed to live by the mantra "what-ifs are a waste of time," but clearly, I don't really. So I've been trying to calm my hyperactive 8-year-old of a brain today by indulging in blog reading--specifically, Sassy Radish, which makes me want to cook. Rather, makes me want to invite her to come stay with us for an extended period of time and bring her ice cream maker and cook for me.
She and another favorite blogger are inspiring me to better my photography skills (or at least get some), which would benefit my new business venture tremendously. Of course, this also means I need to have items to photograph (and, hopefully, then sell), which means I need to sew. But I feel like I've hit a post-holiday sewing snag--I worked on Xmas projects at such a fever pitch in the weeks leading up to the day, just looking at my sewing machine lately makes me tired. And I've run into issues with a couple of key projects--my shopper and the video game case--namely, pockets that need to be made more secure and/or the whole thing needs to be better stabilized (perhaps some fusible webbing on the inside backer fabric?), which add to my weariness.
I'm sure I'll get over it soon, just as I will surely get past this post-holiday drag. I made my triumphant return to the gym last night after a nearly week-long absence and it was divine. Fortunately not at all crowded, so it didn't have that swampy atmosphere that grosses me out so much, and for the most part my shins and calves cooperated nicely. I resumed Not Eating Like a Pig today and so far, so good.
In the meantime, perhaps I should work on a list (lists always seem to have a calming effect on me, or at least a temporary distracting effect). How about a list of Possible Ways to Spend the $100 Xmas Cash I Have Left?
1. pedicure ($30)
2. in lieu of a manicure, which are wasted on the likes of me, some sort of sally hansen treatment for brittle, split-prone nails so that i might be able to start salvaging my own ($5)
3. a tanning package, given my pastiness ($45)
4. pointy black boots ($40 - or should i just sweat out the remaining 3 months of boot weather in my square-toed ones and save the $40???)
5. a hand-held milk frother and some Torani ($25)
6. a good commuter coffee cup, that i can use for either hot or iced ($20)
7. more fabric (noooooo!)
8. decent sports bras ($20)
9. gym socks ($8)
10. self-tanner, in lieu of actual tanning ($15)
11. set it aside for a rainy day (FREE)
12. 2010 calendar from snapfish ($10)
Maybe it's because I'm looking all sorts of new-ness in the face and a new blog just seems to fit the pattern. A new year begins in four days. I start a new job in a week. The holidays are over and even though it's not new, I'm getting back on track with my workout regimen and have started using a new on-line calorie tracking tool. I've got a new business venture in the makes and hope to be launching it soon. Plus I've taken a renewed interest in our camera and hope to learn how to use it to take photos that don't look like shit. New, new, new.
Or maybe I'm just bored as hell because this is my last week at this job and I don't intend to do a damn thing for the duration of it.
I've been readying myself for the post-holiday letdown. It kind of hit me early this morning, as I was lying in bed by myself (Ben went to the gym), in the dark, thinking it's all over and now I have to get up and go to work and man, that blows. That's one of my biggest reasons for hating the holidays--it's like the big $25 firecracker on the 4th of July. All sorts of build-up and then a fizzle and a pop and it's over. Ta-da! And I don't even think dragging it out for four or five days would help (because we sort of do because of our circumstances). It never fails--the gifts are great but never really produce that same "WOW!" response we got used to as kids; the food is good but doesn't seem as spectacular as it did 20 years ago; seeing family and friends is great but you leave every gathering feeling like you barely got to talk to anyone at all. Maybe I got spoiled with awesome Christmases as a kid and nothing I've experienced as an adult can live up to that kind of hype. I thought it would be better after I had kids--you know, all that "relive the joy through a child's eyes" crap--but it seems to have gotten worse. I drive myself crazy trying to make their holidays as magical and amazing as I seem to remember mine being, but life always gets in the way and I run out of time and money and it never feels (to me) like enough. Which is silly because I don't hear them complaining, and I don't realistically know if my childhood holidays were really that fabulous or if it's just my fuzzy adult vision remembering a jollier version.
I think I just want my kids to be happy so badly it makes me crazy. Especially Bob. The Toddler is so happy-go-lucky and naturally jovial, but Bob seems so sad so much of the time. I would give all the Peanuts holiday classics DVD sets and crock pots in the world just to see him genuinely happy for an extended period of time.
Which is why this morning, on my way to work, I shot a photo with my phone of the bracelet I'm wearing. It's one of the jewelry items Bob gave me this year, and he was just so proud of himself, I wanted him to know how much I cherish it.
At any rate, my brain is just awhirl with all sorts of randomness and frenzied thoughts. I am so ready to get the hell out of this work environment, the negativity here is overwhelming and spending a year and a half mired in it has made me a very nasty person, I'm afraid. On the other hand, as excited as I am at my imminent release from this prison, I am terrified at the $4000 annual salary difference--we managed on this combined income before, can we do it again? I know we can but it's a daunting prospect. Even more daunting are the questions popping up in my head--what if it's just like here in many ways? What if there are job duties/co-workers/policies that mirror this place? What if I get there and I hate it?
I've always claimed to live by the mantra "what-ifs are a waste of time," but clearly, I don't really. So I've been trying to calm my hyperactive 8-year-old of a brain today by indulging in blog reading--specifically, Sassy Radish, which makes me want to cook. Rather, makes me want to invite her to come stay with us for an extended period of time and bring her ice cream maker and cook for me.
She and another favorite blogger are inspiring me to better my photography skills (or at least get some), which would benefit my new business venture tremendously. Of course, this also means I need to have items to photograph (and, hopefully, then sell), which means I need to sew. But I feel like I've hit a post-holiday sewing snag--I worked on Xmas projects at such a fever pitch in the weeks leading up to the day, just looking at my sewing machine lately makes me tired. And I've run into issues with a couple of key projects--my shopper and the video game case--namely, pockets that need to be made more secure and/or the whole thing needs to be better stabilized (perhaps some fusible webbing on the inside backer fabric?), which add to my weariness.
I'm sure I'll get over it soon, just as I will surely get past this post-holiday drag. I made my triumphant return to the gym last night after a nearly week-long absence and it was divine. Fortunately not at all crowded, so it didn't have that swampy atmosphere that grosses me out so much, and for the most part my shins and calves cooperated nicely. I resumed Not Eating Like a Pig today and so far, so good.
In the meantime, perhaps I should work on a list (lists always seem to have a calming effect on me, or at least a temporary distracting effect). How about a list of Possible Ways to Spend the $100 Xmas Cash I Have Left?
1. pedicure ($30)
2. in lieu of a manicure, which are wasted on the likes of me, some sort of sally hansen treatment for brittle, split-prone nails so that i might be able to start salvaging my own ($5)
3. a tanning package, given my pastiness ($45)
4. pointy black boots ($40 - or should i just sweat out the remaining 3 months of boot weather in my square-toed ones and save the $40???)
5. a hand-held milk frother and some Torani ($25)
6. a good commuter coffee cup, that i can use for either hot or iced ($20)
7. more fabric (noooooo!)
8. decent sports bras ($20)
9. gym socks ($8)
10. self-tanner, in lieu of actual tanning ($15)
11. set it aside for a rainy day (FREE)
12. 2010 calendar from snapfish ($10)
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