Enough is Enough

Yeah, I know, I said that a couple of days ago. I meant it. I still mean it. So why didn't I go to the gym today? Because my house was filthy, I had a headache, we had to go grocery shopping, and yes, I could still go now, but I'd rather start tomorrow. I know, I know, "start now!" and all that, but really, if I start tomorrow--on Sunday, the "first" day of the week--it will set better in my head. Don't ask. I'm a freak.

But I'm ready to go back hard-core. I've been kind of pussifying my workouts since I got sick in November--I haven't gained any weight back (that I'm aware of, I haven't weighed myself in a week) but I've really just been maintaining. I really, really want to drop that last ten pounds. Not necessarily because I feel like I have to, but because I want to accomplish that goal. I did it before, I can do it again. I want to know I have plenty of wiggle room in all my clothes and not worry about one off week making everything too tight. I want to look in the mirror and think not "damn" but "DAY-UM!" When it's finally warm enough, I want to put on a swimsuit--ANY swimsuit--and not question how I look in it at all. I can do it. Icanarod, Iwillarod, Iwinarod, Iditarod!*

Part of this is going to involve no longer putting every piece of crap food I can find in my mouth. I think my candy binge is over--I left the bowl out last night when we went to bed. Really all that was left were the dregs (Lemonheads and jawbreakers and DumDums suckers, ick), but I didn't intend for the stupid fucking dog to have her way with them. Stupid whore. At any rate, she did for me what I couldn't do for myself (get rid of the candy) and for that, I have to thank her.

I'm also going to try to stick with the gluten free diet as best I can. I really did feel better last week when I was behaving myself. On Friday, when I let the bake sale beast overtake me with a cupcake, a brownie and 2 slices of banana bread, I developed a headache and felt generally shitty the rest of the night. Go figure.

I also need to beef up my workout routine. By that, I mean I need to resume weights and strength training. I will continue my cardio, but I'm going to dedicate myself to weights on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays (Jimmy Buffett's performance schedule).

I think I'm also going to go the route of my husband and start taking a daily photo of myself. I hate, hate, hate how I look in pictures. I don't think I take good pictures at all and maybe if I start taking one of myself every day, I'll start to look better in them. Or I'll just get used to seeing myself on camera.

I just really need to pull myself out of this mid-winter depression shit before it takes over and I drown in a sea of Doritos and self-loathing.

One thing that helped my mood--sort of--I finished our tax returns today. I planned to just get started on them, but once I did, I realized I actually had all the forms and info I needed to complete them. So I did. It only took about an hour (gotta love HRBlock dot com) and it turns out we're going to get a nice little chunk of change back. Nothing major--I thought about putting it into savings, but it really only amounts to a little under a payday for us. Bummer. That said, we're going to investigate replacement windows for the whole house. If we can do it with our refund money and little or no credit, we're going to go for it. I hate blowing a wad like that all in one shot, but dammit, our windows suck ass. Half of them don't open and a few of them won't even shut. I shudder to think how much money we've spent heating and cooling the outdoors because of our shitty windows. So new windows it is. If we can't afford to do it with just our refund money, the plan is to use the money for a few other minor home repairs (a new bathroom sink, maybe new area rugs and an island in the kitchen), pay off a couple of bills, and put a little in savings.

So many things I need to do, so little time. It's overwhelming, indeed.



*Vague Ellen Degeneres reference. If you read "My Point--and I Do Have One", you get it.