The Happiness Project

This morning, while waiting for Bob to get his hairs cut (by a real, live professional--paid child support means no more botched, awful-looking mom haircuts!), I flipped through Woman's Day magazine because there was nothing more meaningful to read. And I saw a blip about Gretchen Rubin, the mind behind "The Happiness Project." It seemed like something I would have an interest in checking out and possibly duplicating, so I messaged the URL to myself. On the next page was an ad for a medication used to treat adult ADHD, and given I'd just messaged myself a reminder for a website, I thought perhaps that, too, was something I should consider.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. First things first--this Happiness Project thing. I'm definitely interested. I feel so much lately like I'm just rushing through one day right after another. My weekends feel like so much sand pouring through my fingers while I try desperately to hold on, to eke out just a few moments of fun and/or relaxation and get everything done at the same time. If it sounds impossible, that's because (I've found) it pretty well is. So if there's someone out there who figured out how to be blissfully happy without winning the lottery, and she wrote a blog about it, I'm willing to add that blog to my Google Reader and make time for it.

But I went to the site today and it looks...busy. It looks to me like an overwhelming amount of knowledge. I found my eyes darting back and forth over the various portions of the page, and then I thought of that Vyvanse ad again.

My oldest son has been diagnosed with (among other things) ADHD. During his last inpatient hospitalization, I told the treating psych to not give him Benadryl (their first line of defense against hyperactivity--nice, huh) because he had taken it before for allergies and it not only didn't sedate him, it didn't have much effect on him at all. I mentioned Benadryl has the same non-effect on me--I once took about 800mg of the stuff for a very itchy case of sun poisoning and not only did I not fall asleep, I felt fine. And this doctor said, "you know, that's a sign of ADHD."

Yeah, well, maybe it is. It wouldn't surprise me to be told I had adult ADD. Not so much the "H," which I would consider a blessing--but certainly the A-D. My brain is a whirlwind every day, from the moment I get up until long into the night, a flurry of activity and thoughts that I have no real control over. I get up in the morning and have a certain list of items I must accomplish prior to leaving the house--shower, sinus rinse (don't ask), makeup, hair, dress, make coffee, get Bob up and in the tub, and leave. Sounds simple enough. Yet every morning I manage to see something shiny at some or multiple points and end up largely sidetracked and distracted and end up nearly running out the door because I've gone over my time limit. It takes me forever to get anything done because I'm always doing 999 things at once.

I usually laugh it off by saying I have ADMD -- Attention Deficit Mom Disorder -- that the demands of being a parent AND a spouse AND holding down a full-time job AND trying to make time for myself and some of life's simple pleasures is simply too taxing for any one brain to manage and therefore I am rendered a dingbat. And for all I know, it's the truth. But when I see ads for one little simple dose of amphetamines that claims it can make it all better, I have to wonder.

In the meantime, I will wait til after the kids are in bed and Ben is busying himself taking weird photos of toys and cats to peruse Ms. Rubin's blog. And I will start thinking, in the back of my mind, about what makes me happy.

I know what makes me unhappy--feeling like I'm going to explode every time I eat something. It's getting ridiculous. So I've decided to go back to the gluten-free diet. It's been several years since I attempted it, and given the sheer volume of GF products in the grocery store (the Grocery Store!) now, it might actually be less challenging. I bought a package of Bob's Red Mill GF bread mix today, and made it--making bread was very scary but thanks to my food processor, I pulled it off. Unfortunately, I developed a GIANT air bubble right under the top crust, so my slices look like half a slice under a canopy. So I now have to learn how to bake bread without that happening. The good news is, Bob's mix is really, really good--leaps and bounds better than the disgusting rice loaves I used to get back in the day. Which makes me hopeful--if the availability of GF products has improved in 8 years, perhaps the quality has followed suit.

Being stuck indoors for months also makes me unhappy. So today, when the weather warmed up considerably and the sun started to consider peeking out through the cloud cover, I told Bob to get his ass outside. Then I put boots and a coat on the toddler and took him out, too. He grabbed his lunch box and happily started off down the sidewalk. I followed. Bob got on his bike and came with, and the three of us ended up circling the block. It took about 40 minutes and it was the best part of the month so far. The toddler enjoyed himself so much, coming inside sparked a 20 minute meltdown. I knew that kid and I had a lot in common.